Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Living with some-one training for Ultra-Man

For nearly 5 years Kate has been telling me she would like to do an Ultraman. "Yeah, great babe!" Never really thinking it would actually happen. Until the bomb was dropped....she signed up for Ultra520k Canada!
Lets just say I am glad it was only a short 7 week build for her. I don't know if I could have survived not being number one in the relationship any longer!

I've been musing over the past few weeks and decided to put these thoughts into a few sentences so you can learn where I did not....

How to live with someone training for an Ultraman! ... Don't..... move to hotel or pitch a tent in the yard and live there!! Move in with that crazy cat lady, or the man down the street who always talks to himself at a shout. Any of these options are better options. (In-fact they are good options)

I've put together a list of important rules to follow when living with some-one training for Ultra-man. They are your Ultra-man survival kit so to speak!!

1) Sleep:Don't wake them up: Even if it's an accident, it's your fault, if you need the bathroom in the night, best you take your pillow and sleep in the bath-tub
2) The Silence: What was once a comfortable silence now means "you've done something wrong" You need to run at this point.
3)Eye contact means: Your in trouble "Again you run"
4) Food: If you eat something  from the fridge that was specifically bought for training or that emergency can of coke, the hidden chocalate bar at the back of the cupboard. Even if you didn't know what it was for. Well, Lets just say don't do that... DON'T DO IT.....Move to another state or go into the wittness protection program.
5)You will be forced to train with them at some point: But you won't talk. we spent 7 hours riding together. 7 hours single file riding in the rain. (Fun?.... NOOOOOO) I don't even have an ass she can look at!
6)You will be wrong when your right,
7)You breathe to loud
8)You chew to loud
9)you walk to loud
10)you blink to loud
11)your voice is like listening to some-one scratching a chalk board. 
12)The Commando Crawl is the best way to get around (very quiet too, do this at all hours and do it slowly to avoid detection)
I have found that light cotton clothing is a great choice as it makes very little noise!!! (below you can see a picture of me practicing)

Kate now whispers at 4000 Dessa-bells in my ear!! 
Always have coke and redwine available. ALWAYS!! If they don't need it, you will.
If you get asked to go for an easy run: check what she's wearing, if she's wearing a Camel Bak, "you say NO"...Learn from my experience. 3 hours into an easy run when you start licking concrete because it's cooler and wetter than your tongue you realize you've "made bad choices"
Don't get me wrong.....I love to swim....but when you walk into the local YMCA 25 yard pool and she has gels/museli bars and bottles of GU with prepared to grow old and wrinkly over the next few hours.
On a personal note: I'm also a born again virgin.
Ok on a serious note: It's not all bad, ........................Ok it's all bad.......... good-luck!!

See my before and after photo's.

Before Ultra-man training
After Ultra-man training

No comments:

Post a Comment